Musings by the Fire
by MetaBlade
Summary: It was unbelievable to her that anyone could be so calm, so unfazed, by the idea of killing; she herself struggled with the feelings of guilt every time she walked onto a battlefield. (Elincia/Volke conversation, because I always wondered how these two might interact.)


**A/N: This takes places after the chapter 'Unforgiveable Sin' near the end of Radiant Dawn. I haven't played the game in a while, so please excuse any errors.**

**Volke is one of my favourite characters from the Tellius series so it was inevitable that I'd write something with him one day. I actually used to write about him a lot, but nothing that I ever published. I also always liked to imagine how he and Elincia might talk to each other, since from what I remember, they never interact outside of one conversation in RD.**

**Enjoy!**

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The fire burned low, mere embers and ashes smouldering on a bed of burned twigs. It was late, and the Hawk Army were due to move out again at the first hint of dawn. It was imperative that everyone got the sleep they needed before morning came. Despite that, several of the troops were still up, gazing into the fire or else carrying out meaningless chores as an excuse to stay awake for a few minutes longer. After the battle against the Feral Ones, nobody felt much like sleeping.

Elincia tied her pegasus to a tree, stroked his nose, and let out a long sigh. All she wanted was to close her eyes without hearing the gruesome screams and unearthly howls of the insane laguz. The battle had been nightmarish. Every time she ran her sword through a Feral One, her brain reminded her that these creatures had once been _people, _people with emotions and dreams just as she had. Even if Izuka had cursed them into nothing more than thoughtless beasts, she couldn't forget what they really were.

The fighting hadn't been easy, either – Feral Ones were tough opponents even without her brain's unhelpful comments distracting her. The dragons were less of a threat, since they were so slow that anyone could outpace them, but the cats, tigers and hawks had swarmed over the army, attacking with lightning-fast movements and razor claws that pierced the soldiers' armour. By the time it was over, everyone was utterly exhausted, and there were countless injuries to be healed.

Yet somehow Elincia didn't feel tired. Maybe it was just because she couldn't stop thinking about the Feral Ones, but she had a feeling that the adrenaline of the battle could also be blamed for her wakefulness.

Leaving her pegasus to graze on the sparse vegetation, she slowly made her way back over to the campfire. _If I can't sleep, then I may as well spend my time planning for tomorrow, _she thought. _I won't waste even a moment doing nothing – not when we could be fighting again in mere hours._

The campfire was almost extinguished, but a few soldiers still lingered nearby, among them Tibarn and Geoffrey. She wasn't surprised to see the Hawk King there, since he didn't seem to keep the same sleeping schedule as everyone else, but Geoffrey's presence was a mystery. He was usually very strict about going to bed on time.

She considered walking over to talk to him, but something made her turn away. She didn't know what it was. Maybe she just wanted to be alone – to avoid the questions and concerned looks that she would no doubt be greeted with if she approached Geoffrey now.

However, it was only after she'd sat down beside the fire that she suddenly realised she _wasn't _alone.

'Queen Elincia,' said a low voice right beside her, and she spun around, heart jumping into her throat. She didn't recognise the dark-clothed figure, and her mind immediately went back to Izuka and the Feral Ones.

But the figure made no move to attack, and she slowly out the breath she'd been holding. As her panic faded away, she realised who he was. The man who Bastian had been talking to before the battle. The man who had, supposedly, helped him track down Izuka.

She couldn't remember if she'd ever heard his name, which made her feel a little guilty. As Queen, she ought to know who all the people in her company were.

'You're the one who found Izuka for us, aren't you?' she said cautiously. 'If that's true, I must thank you.'

'No need,' he replied. 'I was under a contract.'

'Still... thank you.'

He stirred slightly, and she wondered if she'd made him uncomfortable, ridiculous as that seemed. Most of his face was hidden by a dark cloth, leaving only his eyes visible – a pair of gleaming garnet orbs that Elincia didn't trust, as much as she was grateful to the man.

'Well...' She searched for something constructive to say. 'I should probably thank you for your help during the battle, too. We definitely needed all the fighters we could get, once Izuka started sending out his creations...' She tried to suppress a shudder of disgust.

The man remained silent. He obviously had no intention of responding to her thanks, though she could tell he was listening.

'If you don't mind me asking... what's your name?' she asked, eventually.

His eyes flickered towards her, then went back to the fire. 'Why do you need to know?'

'Because I like to know the names of the people I fight alongside. It seems... right, somehow.'

'Seems like flawed logic to me. If your goal is to get to know everyone better, wouldn't that be counterproductive to fighting on a battlefield?' When she just stared at him, uncomprehending, he added: 'Any of these people could die at any moment. Getting to know them all is just setting yourself up for more grief if that ever happens.'

She felt her mouth drop open, and hastily shut it, hoping he hadn't noticed. 'That's ridiculous! Getting to know my allies is important to me because I'm grateful for the dangers they put themselves in for my sake. I don't want anyone to feel that I don't care, or I don't appreciate the sacrifices they've made... Besides, it _it _productive. If I know my allies' strengths and weaknesses, then I'll know better how to direct them on the battlefield and prevent as many meaningless deaths as I can.'

A long, ringing silence followed her speech. She hadn't even realised that she'd said so much, or spoken with so much passion. A little uncomfortable, she let her own gaze settle on the dying fire. What had prompted her to talk like that to a person she barely knew?

_For the reasons you just explained to him, _her mind whispered. _Because you want to get to know everyone, no matter who they are._

After a moment, she steeled herself to glance at him again. To her surprise, he was still watching the fire, his eyes following the red-hot embers jumping out of the blackened remnants. He reached into one of the pockets of the heavy overcoat he was wearing and withdrew an old pipe, which he lit using the campfire before putting between his teeth.

'The name's Volke,' he said suddenly. 'Also known as The Fireman, if you want to find me for professional reasons.'

Elincia blinked. 'I'm –' she began, then stopped herself. She'd been about to tell him her name, remembering just in time that he already knew exactly who she was. 'Why The Fireman?' she asked instead – because she _was _curious.

'Five thousand gold,' Volke replied in a bored tone. He removed his pipe from his mouth and exhaled, letting a stream of smoke escape into the midnight sky, coiling against the starry backdrop.

'Five thousand... Are you charging me money? Just to ask a question?' Elincia said, bewildered.

'Yes. Either pay it, or I don't tell you.'

'I'm not paying that much for such a small thing.'

He shrugged. 'If you say so. There are a lot of people who might be willing to pay three times that amount just to know the reasoning behind why I call myself a certain name – or why I do anything. You'd be surprised.'

Elincia wasn't sure how to respond to that. She was getting the sudden and unsettling feeling that she was in the presence of someone much more knowledgeable than herself. And she'd only been talking to him for five minutes.

'Can I ask... who you are?' she said, tentatively. 'I don't mean your name; I mean who – or _what –_ you are.'

'You mean, why did Bastian hire _me _to uncover Izuka's whereabouts.'

'Yes, I suppose that's what I meant to say.'

'You should have just said it outright.' He blew out another stream of smoke and watched is dissolve into the cold air before continuing. 'I'm an assassin. Jobs like this aren't new to me. Bastian's known about me for a long time, and he knew I was the right person for the job. He didn't know anyone else skilled enough to pull it off.'

'You're an...' Suddenly, Elincia felt a little bit sick. 'Does that mean you kill people for money?'

'That's what an assassin is.'

'Innocent people?'

'How should I know whether they were innocent or not? I only do what's asked of me in my contract.'

Elincia just shook her head. Feeling the urge to get a little further away from him, she edged sideways a few inches. It wasn't as much space as she would have liked – but it was better. 'How could you be so heartless?' she whispered. 'You can't say that you don't feel anything when you kill. Everyone does. I killed over twenty people today, and I can't stop thinking about how each and every one of them was once a person!'

Volke's head turned towards her. Although she was too angry to care very much, she could, for the first time, make out some kind of expression on his face. He seemed surprised. 'They weren't people,' he said. 'Whatever humanity they had was lost the moment Izuka started experimenting on them. Don't kid yourself into thinking they were anything more than monsters.'

'That doesn't make me feel any better knowing that I'm responsible for all their deaths.'

'You?' Volke actually sounded amused now. 'You didn't kill them. If anything, you were saving them. Izuka's the one who killed them, and if you actually stopped agonising over the situation and thought about it, you'd know that to be true.'

Elincia stayed quiet. She didn't know what to say – but in spite of herself, she desperately clutched at his words, hoping against hope that he was right, because by the Goddess, she wanted to believe it. Wanted to believe that she wasn't a murderer.

'How do you live with it?' she said softly. 'Killing so many people? I can barely live with the knowledge that I've killed Feral Ones, creatures that had no thoughts or feelings at all. But if you're an assassin, then you must end peoples' lives all the time... maybe every day...' She trailed off, because she knew that if she kept on talking, she wouldn't be able to stop. It amazed her that she was still _sitting here_ with him after he had confessed to being an assassin.

'I don't think about it,' said Volke. 'It's my job – just as killing enemies on the battlefield is your job.'

'It's not the same,' she argued. 'I kill people who stand against me and threaten my subjects. You... you kill people for money. A handful of gold that means nothing in the world.'

'Is there any difference? When you face an enemy, the person at the other end of the sword is still a person. And you're still going to kill them. What we do is no different. It's just the method of killing that's different.'

Elincia shook her head. She didn't want to believe it. But Volke caught the gesture out of the corner of his eye and turned to look at her, with a hint of something in his expression that she couldn't identify. She refused to think of it as pity.

'I don't much care how you feel about my profession,' he said. With a quick movement, he slipped his pipe back into his coat pocket. 'Just remember that I'm on your side – for now. Once this is all over, I won't be sticking around.'

'And why are you here _now? _Izuka is dead. You've fulfilled your... contract to Bastian.'

Unexpectedly, a low chuckle came from behind Volke's mask. 'Wrong. I'll be staying until the war's over. Thank me later.'

'But why?'

'It should be obvious.' He stood up, brushing dust off his clothes. Automatically, Elincia stood up with him. 'If the Goddess Ashera wins, I'll most likely be turned to stone along with everyone else in the world. Accompanying you is the only option I have.'

Elincia couldn't think of an argument. It made perfect sense. 'Well, can I at least be assured of your loyalty while we're working together?'

'Meaning?'

'What if some member of the army hired you to kill another? Would you take the job?' She made herself look up and meet his gaze directly, brown eyes against garnet. He surprised her by not looking away.

'No,' he said. 'I have a rule against taking more than one job at a time. Technically speaking, my contract with Bastian is still in effect. And it will be until you win or lose this war. So you don't need to worry about me doing anything to your troops.'

She was thrown off by the sincerity in his voice, having expected him to evade the question as seemed to be his habit. 'Well... thank you, then.'

'Don't mention it.' He started to walk away. Elincia watched him for a moment, then suddenly called out.

'Wait!' He stopped, but didn't turn around. 'You never really answered my question earlier. How can you deal with killing so many people? How can you not feel any guilt... or regret? You must feel something. You're a person, just like me, and I know that I struggle to live with the knowledge at times...'

Silence. She watched Volke's tattered scarf waving gently in the wind that rustled through the camp, and prayed for an answer – whether it be the answer she wanted to hear or not. She didn't know why she wanted so badly to understand his motives; she hated the fact that he was an assassin. The mere idea of killing people for nothing more than a few coins repulsed her. But she sensed that there was more to him than met the eye, and a part of her was determined to learn those things that were hidden from view.

'You get used to it,' he finally said, still not turning around. 'It's the same as anything else; if you do it enough, no matter how difficult it was in the beginning, you grow accustomed to it. You learn.'

'I can't believe that,' she said.

He shrugged. 'You believe what you want to believe,' he said, and she looked away towards the fire, feeling discomfited.

'What made you decide to be an assassin in the first place?' she asked.

'Twenty thousand gold.'

She eyed the back of his head, wishing he would turn around so that she could see his expression. 'If I brought you that much gold, would you actually tell me? Or are you simply trying to make up a large enough number that I'll be dissuaded from trying?'

'No. I'd tell you. But it would put me in danger – and you, too.'

'Why me?'

'I told you that some people might pay thousands just to know why I call myself The Fireman. To know my reasons for taking this profession? If you had that information, they'd come after you. They'd try to capture you, and likely torture you, to find out for themselves.'

She shivered, and not from the nighttime cold. 'In that case, I don't think that I need to know.'

'Good idea.'

Volke started walking again, and this time, she didn't call out to stop him. Within moments, he had disappeared in the shadows of the trees. Elincia had the most peculiar feeling that even if she followed him, she wouldn't find him – it was as if he'd not simply walked away, but literally faded from existence.

Shaking her head, she made her way towards her tent. Tiredness had begun to creep up on her now, along with all the aches and pains of the earlier battle. Somehow, she found herself not dwelling on the Feral Ones any longer. Instead, she found herself thinking about Volke – and wondering if it was worth the risk to her life to ask him that one question.

More likely, she would never know.


End file.
